Out of the mouths of babes...

This news story struck me this week

I know many people who use the word "gay" as an insult - many of whom aren't opposed to homosexuality per se. Our use of language betrays us as a society. Where its acceptable to use the word "gay" as an insult, whatever tidy niceness we say on the outside about being open minded and not having a "problem with it" rings shallow.

Its not acceptable to call something "black" as an insult or "Muslim" or "Asian" - and quite rightly so.

Change language, change attitudes.

Wedding guitars and nightmares

I had a nightmare....

I dreamt I was getting married to partner dude - not that, that is nightmare.

Naturally, we had planned a wonderfully simple, elegant Quaker affair with lots of quiet (yes, quiet).

I dreamt, heaven help us, that my family, unable to fathom the idea of a silent wedding had taken it upon themselves to surprise me with, brace yourself, a WORSHIP BAND.

So it was tweedle-de, tweedle dum, pluck guitar, strike the drum, praise the Lawd etc. etc. etc.

And, of course, I was furious and asked them to stop. But I was told by the matriarchs that this is what happens at weddings and I should put up with it because what did it matter. I was so livid I grabbed my partner dude and left my wedding in a huff.

Analyse that :S

PhD Blues

I have written 61464 words on 202 pages, not including 47 pages of references (thats 524 references and another 15872 words). That doesn't include my very volumous appendices.

AND....

I'm still not finished.

:(


I'm told people are wondering where I've been lately - sorry if I've not been sharpish with posts, comments and emails - this is why.

CA

PS. Anyone enjoy proof reading? ;)

Pandora's music box

What an internet wonder!!!

Its a music genome. It tries to discover music you will like. You put in one of your favourite artists or songs and it generates music that it thinks you will like - and thus far, its been very accurate for me.

I love it!

Extend your music collection or just listen to some new stuff online.

AMAZING!

Prayer harder Mr. Bush, pray harder!

Shocking news. America's president does not pray hard enough. Pray harder Mr. Bush, pray harder my man!

How to find yourself...

Peterson inspired me to look up some of my old journals from when I was a church goer.

It was so strange looking back over the journal I wrote in the year coming up to the time when I actually left church. Some of them were so sad. Others were hilarious - my my, I do have an acerbic wit about me sometimes! There's a wonderful Saturday night entry were I pray, with sincere earnestness to be delivered from cynicism. However, Sunday's entry shows the Lord did not hear my cry!

"My distain for church grows every time I go...Today's sermon was particularly nauseating."

I loved this entry - it kind of sums up where I was at a few years ago:

"I wish I was nice, tidy, pretty and submissive. I wish I was a good Christian and knew how to say the right things and be the right way. But I don't...I feel guilty because I don't know how. I should try to make more of an effort, but I'm not sure there's anything left in me to even attempt it."

I can look back on it now and laugh - of course I don't want to be nice, tidy or submissive. God forbid I ever be submmissive!!! BLEURGH! I think stories of people becoming themselves resonate so strongly with all of us, because whether obvious or not, most of us struggle to simply be and simply accept ourselves.

However, I did stumble across a wonderful gem of wisdom in my old journal that I thought I would share...

"Do not run, but be quiet and silent. Listen attentively to your own struggle. The answer to your question is hidden in your own heart." (Henri Nouwen)

Gym

We got round to joining a gym - haven't been since we moved nearly 2 months ago. Very expensive - but I have been getting wibbly.

I like the gym but I have left it in an absolutely foul mood.

I resent being bombarded of images of fakely tanned, photoshopped women who clearly haven't eaten in a year. Did you know women have a temporary lowering of mood & body image after looking at such photos? And that is linked to the development of eating disorders. Maybe I'm just cross because I know people with anorexia who use exactly those kind of pictures as triggers and I think its totally inappropriate/grossly irresponsible for them to be in a place where people with eating disorders congregate (gyms!)

I also resent being told that "tanning is good for you, it gives you vitamin D and helps prevent osteoporosis", when tanning has been consistently linked with the development of skin cancer. You need 20 minutes in sunlight (not direct sunlight - walking outside will do) to get all the vitamin D you need. And its not exactly scarce in food either. And how many people with vitamin D deficiency do you know anyway?

So I am cross. The health and fitness industry is just not healthy.

From James Loney

Thanks to Peterson for directing me to this link of James Loney speaking to the press having been freed in Iraq

What a reminder that we must not forget those who do not have freedom as we do.

A link to Amnesty's website's campaign against torture in the war on terror seems shallow in comparison to what James Loney, Norman Kember and Harmeet Sooden have been through in the last few months. Not to mention the tragedy of Tom Fox's death.

Out done

I thought I had big news this weekend - but no, my own mother completely and utterly outdid me by getting engaged :O! I'm very happy for her actually - although very surprised. She's not been seeing the lucky man for very long (only a few months) so this is all very quick. I've not even met him yet (should be fixing that in May).

Does anyone know what normal etiquette is for informing the ex-husband (i.e. my dad)? I'm trying to decide if I should tell him or wait for the extended family grapevine to do its work?

I think I'll tell him. No idea how he'll react (he is married tho - has been for nearly 10 years).

Oh my....

Another doctorate degree...

I have yet to finish the first. But no matter. I've been offered a place on a clinical psychology training course (fully funded) to start in September :)

Thanks to everyone who wished me luck!

Sad sad news

From Peterson's site - Tom Fox, one of the hostages from Christian Peacemaker teams, was found dead in Iraq on Friday



Repel evil with what is best. Then the one between whom and you there was hatred will become as it were your friend and intimate! (Qu'ran)

Facing the Truth - Desmond Tutu goes to Norn Iron

Desmond Tutu has been bringing together victims and perpetrators of Northern Ireland's conflict.

I managed to catch the program tonight on BBC2 - it was incredibly touching and challenging to see people, on both sides of the table, display such honesty and courage. It wasn't twee, it wasn't sensationalised. It was very calm, very dignified and very real. It wasn't comfortable viewing, not to hear someone say they had no remorse for their involvement in terrorism, not to hear a young man in his early teens whose brother had been shot dead by the UDA to ask a former UDA member why he had chosen that path - no it wasn't comfortable at all. But it was necessary to witness. Maybe it can help us all a little further down the road to understanding.

The last of the three part series is on BBC2 at 8pm tomorrow (Monday). I hope they are repeated. They should be compulsory viewing for anyone with any contact with Northern Ireland whatsoever. More info about the series & an interview with Desmond Tutu here.

Oh heck....

Yesterday morning at the God-forsaken hour at 8.30am the postman rang the doorbell really loudly! It was a rather large letter from my first choice university offering me an interview for their clinical training course - giving me all of 2 weeks notice. I'm meant to give them a five minute (what's with that - can't I have 20, how do you say anything in 5 minutes....huh?) presentation on research I'd like to carry out as a clinical trainee.

I am knackered now - I missed my Saturday morning lie in reading the letter and having kittens about my presentation. I also spent Friday night on the phone to my mum til the small hours - she just introduced a man she has been seeing a lot of recently to my grandparents and wanted to tell me how it went. (It went very well it seems, apparently. My grandad wants to show him his keyboard - this is a mark of great honour in my grandad's scheme of things. He has a room for his keyboards where they live underneath very neat dust protectors, amongst countless discs and manuals, all neatly kept, untouched by anyone other than the man himself!) Then my gran called me on Sunday morning to say, at last my mum has found someone who seems normal. This is high praise from my grandmother!

Wish me luck - and my mum too, I guess!

Spring is here...or not

I have managed to link my ipod to the stereo system in my car - which is muchly appreciated when I spend about 1-2 hours a day driving.

I was listening to Norah Jones' "Feels like home" which always reminds me of a couple of summers ago when it was really hot and me and my office mates would skive off work to go to Bournemouth beach a lot.

So today I was driving along, singing to myself in the sunshine thinking, 'Ah, spring is here, its getting warmer' I even had the car window open.

Then, two hours later, I'm sitting in my office pretending to write up some notes and there's a snow storm outside.

Brrrr.....

My first ever IQ test...

I administered my first ever IQ test to a client today - which might not sound all that impressive, but administering the damn thing is harder than doing it! :S

I've been practicing on partner dude, who, it turns out has the extortionately high IQ of...155 :O! It was really something to watch, I've never seen anyone do it so fast - especially the maths ones - he had the answer out before I'd even hit the timer button - what a clever clogs.

To celebrate, and on account of my client being late and my finishing work late and being both hungry and lazy in equally large measures, we decided to get take-away for dinner. I spotted a tiny Indian takeaway in the middle of an Asian area last week so we went there, in the hope that we would get an authentic curry (greasy slop British curry houses don't cut it for me). Anyway, authentic it was - the staff behind the counter didn't speak English - one of the other customers had to interpret for us!

However, we did get a really yummy and very spicy curry, and a peshwari naan with citrus fruit stuff in the middle....Mmmmmmmmmmmmm Definately going back there.

PEP to be more available on the NHS

I awoke this morning to a rather terrifying sound. A doctor saying that someone who exposed themself to HIV through sexual contact was not deserving of PEP (post exposure prophylaxis) because, well, basically, its their own fault.

Anyway - the good news is that his views were only sought because of the increased availability of PEP to all on the NHS . The drug has been available to healthcare workers for years. If I ever have a needlestick injury at work (distinctly unlikely as I don't deal with that sort of thing) and the client is at risk of or has HIV, then I just have to nip over to occupational health and I can be given the drug. It costs about £600 - £1000 (i.e. not much in the scheme of things, particularly in comparison to treating someone with HIV). Apparently its a bit of a nasty concoction and makes you pretty sick for about a month so I don't think anyone is going to rely on it for protection. Bleurgh! I am glad. I don't think there's any evidence that increased availability of PEP will lead to an increase in risky sexual activity (just like the availability of the morning afterpill & abortion availability doesn't increase risky behaviours either).

Anyway, imho the promotion campaign has been pretty crap - I've not seen so much as a crappy leaflet. The Terrance Higgin's Trust material is excellent so look it up and pass on the information.

So good on the THT and the NHS! Major boo to unsympathetic medical professionals. However, its up to primary care trusts whether they make PEP available - so more work to be done methinks!

CA

Back at the Quakers

We made it to a Quaker meeting on Sunday, the first time since we moved. It was a completely silent meeting in which no-one spoke. It was lovely. Sometimes there are no words to say, and the quietness itself says all we need to hear.

(Although someone fell asleep and snored a bit...hee hee)

Jesus toast

Oh wonder of wonders, the Lord hath appeared to me in the toast.

You too, can have your very own personal Jesus toast.

Or is it just a way to put a scam on ebay? ;)

The cartoons....

I thought I'd like to do a quick blog post about *those* cartoons. What a mess, eh? Anyway, through the wonders of google searching, I managed to find said cartoons, which depicted Muhammad as a suicide bomber. I love satire, especially religious & political satire. I think it can cut to the heart and force us to see things in a different way. The pen of a satirical writer/artist is a powerful and dynamic tool and can be used so positively. These cartoons were not satire, they were just plain old hatred and they say more about Islamophobia in the West that any newspaper would want to publish them than about Islam.

Anyway, I applaud the several thousand Muslims and political leaders who gathered today in London to voice their protest at the cartoons. Such a wonderful and peaceful public expression of Islam does the whole of our society good imho. I've resolved to keep a lookout for future events, as I would like to join and express my own solidarity with them. Christian Peacemaker Teams recently issued a very thoughtful statement...

"
We, the members of the Christian Peacemaker Teams in Iraq, are disturbed by anti-Muslim cartoons from twelve different artists published in September by Denmark's daily paper the Jyllands-Posten. The publisher claims the freedom of speech to publish the cartoons, but we believe they are only spreading hate and bigotry.

To those who believe and act as if terrorism is an essential part of the Islamic faith, we say No! Stop! We cannot stand by and remain silent when our gracious Muslim brothers and sisters are being defamed.

Some members of all religious and cultural groups have taken up the way of violence, killing innocent civilians for political causes. We as Christians would not want others in the world to see our faith as one which advocates dominating and oppressing the poor and weak of the world. Yet, the Christian leaders of our countries have been carrying out such domination and oppression.

Those of us working in Iraq see the suffering and pain that acts of terror cause. Terrorism is wrong. It is hypocritical to label Muslims as terrorists when our own countries have been the greatest perpetrators of terror and violence around the world.

Instead of spreading prejudice and lies about another faith, we call on artists, publishers, religious leaders, and on all people to put their creative efforts into exposing and seeking to eradicate the deeper injustices that foster the use of terror. We must open our hearts and minds to listen and learn from the riches of each others' cultures and find ways to build bridges in our fractured world."

Whoosh

So where did the last 2 broadband-less weeks go :S. I've started my job, so internet (and thesis-writing) activity have been rather lacking. I'm enjoying it, but its quite slow going to start with. Its a tad disorientating for me to switch from being in a very neuroscience orientated research group to very psychological/social/systemic orientated clinical psychologists. And alas, I find myself arguing in favour of medical models and slipping articles from psychiatry journals about the correlation between challenging behaviour (where I work, typically understood within a systemic framework - i.e. the environment causes the behaviour) and psychaitric diagnoses into the interesting research folder. Seems I am destined to be the voice of dissent :D.

I must write something about the need for co-operation beween psychology and psychiatry sometime. The psychiatrist is off on leave. I'm looking forward to meeting him when he gets back - I'd like to grill him on diagnosis in people with learning disabilities. Anyway, enough of that. I am supposed to be concentrating on clinical activities and not my philosophical/research curiosities, and having treated partner dude to a red wine fuelled lecture on how systemic models can be as oppressive as psychaitry over our first dinner-date in our new surroundings...I think I best climb down from the soap box.

So...work is cool. My supervisor is lovely, and I'm getting to shadow lots of people. I'll be spending a day with the physiotherapist at the epilepsy centre soon, going out with the community nurse and arranging to spend time with the hearing therapist (so I look forward to finding out what in the world a hearing therapist actually is.) Ironically, I've not been able to get any of the duty social workers on the phone...hmmmm....aren't they supposed to be available for emergencies?! Ahem!

My supervisor is really keen on "professional development" and has told us to go on as many courses/events/training days as the trust will pay for. So, I'll be going on a person-centred planning day, lectures on seeing patients as experts (something I am really keen on). I saw a course on how to work with interpreters which sounds fab which I will apply to. Where we live has a fairly high Asian population, so language and interpreters are real issues.

Anyway, I had best be off to write my thesis...another exciting Saturday night for me.