Peterson inspired me to look up some of my old journals from when I was a church goer.
It was so strange looking back over the journal I wrote in the year coming up to the time when I actually left church. Some of them were so sad. Others were hilarious - my my, I do have an acerbic wit about me sometimes! There's a wonderful Saturday night entry were I pray, with sincere earnestness to be delivered from cynicism. However, Sunday's entry shows the Lord did not hear my cry!
"My distain for church grows every time I go...Today's sermon was particularly nauseating."
I loved this entry - it kind of sums up where I was at a few years ago:
"I wish I was nice, tidy, pretty and submissive. I wish I was a good Christian and knew how to say the right things and be the right way. But I don't...I feel guilty because I don't know how. I should try to make more of an effort, but I'm not sure there's anything left in me to even attempt it."
I can look back on it now and laugh - of course I don't want to be nice, tidy or submissive. God forbid I ever be submmissive!!! BLEURGH! I think stories of people becoming themselves resonate so strongly with all of us, because whether obvious or not, most of us struggle to simply be and simply accept ourselves.
However, I did stumble across a wonderful gem of wisdom in my old journal that I thought I would share...
"Do not run, but be quiet and silent. Listen attentively to your own struggle. The answer to your question is hidden in your own heart." (Henri Nouwen)