The cartoons....

I thought I'd like to do a quick blog post about *those* cartoons. What a mess, eh? Anyway, through the wonders of google searching, I managed to find said cartoons, which depicted Muhammad as a suicide bomber. I love satire, especially religious & political satire. I think it can cut to the heart and force us to see things in a different way. The pen of a satirical writer/artist is a powerful and dynamic tool and can be used so positively. These cartoons were not satire, they were just plain old hatred and they say more about Islamophobia in the West that any newspaper would want to publish them than about Islam.

Anyway, I applaud the several thousand Muslims and political leaders who gathered today in London to voice their protest at the cartoons. Such a wonderful and peaceful public expression of Islam does the whole of our society good imho. I've resolved to keep a lookout for future events, as I would like to join and express my own solidarity with them. Christian Peacemaker Teams recently issued a very thoughtful statement...

"
We, the members of the Christian Peacemaker Teams in Iraq, are disturbed by anti-Muslim cartoons from twelve different artists published in September by Denmark's daily paper the Jyllands-Posten. The publisher claims the freedom of speech to publish the cartoons, but we believe they are only spreading hate and bigotry.

To those who believe and act as if terrorism is an essential part of the Islamic faith, we say No! Stop! We cannot stand by and remain silent when our gracious Muslim brothers and sisters are being defamed.

Some members of all religious and cultural groups have taken up the way of violence, killing innocent civilians for political causes. We as Christians would not want others in the world to see our faith as one which advocates dominating and oppressing the poor and weak of the world. Yet, the Christian leaders of our countries have been carrying out such domination and oppression.

Those of us working in Iraq see the suffering and pain that acts of terror cause. Terrorism is wrong. It is hypocritical to label Muslims as terrorists when our own countries have been the greatest perpetrators of terror and violence around the world.

Instead of spreading prejudice and lies about another faith, we call on artists, publishers, religious leaders, and on all people to put their creative efforts into exposing and seeking to eradicate the deeper injustices that foster the use of terror. We must open our hearts and minds to listen and learn from the riches of each others' cultures and find ways to build bridges in our fractured world."

Whoosh

So where did the last 2 broadband-less weeks go :S. I've started my job, so internet (and thesis-writing) activity have been rather lacking. I'm enjoying it, but its quite slow going to start with. Its a tad disorientating for me to switch from being in a very neuroscience orientated research group to very psychological/social/systemic orientated clinical psychologists. And alas, I find myself arguing in favour of medical models and slipping articles from psychiatry journals about the correlation between challenging behaviour (where I work, typically understood within a systemic framework - i.e. the environment causes the behaviour) and psychaitric diagnoses into the interesting research folder. Seems I am destined to be the voice of dissent :D.

I must write something about the need for co-operation beween psychology and psychiatry sometime. The psychiatrist is off on leave. I'm looking forward to meeting him when he gets back - I'd like to grill him on diagnosis in people with learning disabilities. Anyway, enough of that. I am supposed to be concentrating on clinical activities and not my philosophical/research curiosities, and having treated partner dude to a red wine fuelled lecture on how systemic models can be as oppressive as psychaitry over our first dinner-date in our new surroundings...I think I best climb down from the soap box.

So...work is cool. My supervisor is lovely, and I'm getting to shadow lots of people. I'll be spending a day with the physiotherapist at the epilepsy centre soon, going out with the community nurse and arranging to spend time with the hearing therapist (so I look forward to finding out what in the world a hearing therapist actually is.) Ironically, I've not been able to get any of the duty social workers on the phone...hmmmm....aren't they supposed to be available for emergencies?! Ahem!

My supervisor is really keen on "professional development" and has told us to go on as many courses/events/training days as the trust will pay for. So, I'll be going on a person-centred planning day, lectures on seeing patients as experts (something I am really keen on). I saw a course on how to work with interpreters which sounds fab which I will apply to. Where we live has a fairly high Asian population, so language and interpreters are real issues.

Anyway, I had best be off to write my thesis...another exciting Saturday night for me.

The time has come....

The removal van is in the driveway, and its time to pack up our PC.

I'm not sure when we'll have internet at our new house - the previous tenants didn't cancel their phone line so we have to wait for a week before BT can start a new contract. Our internet company take 10 days to transfer, so its going to be quite a while before we have broadband (oh, the agony...)

Anyway, so updates from me for a while.

Play nicely in the blogosphere kids :)

I survived....

I survived my final research group presentation yesterday. I'm quite impressed with myself. I was unusually ill-prepared - usually I do everything for presentations at least several days in advance. This allows time to practice in front of the bathroom mirror and to iron everything out so it runs smoothly. However, the curse of writing up my thesis and needed to do some more analyses before I prepared my presentation meant, ended up sitting up to 4am doing my slides (with animated statistical models - oh yeah baby) and working out how to present quite a mess of results and wondering if I was doing it right.

Anyway, we have the vice dean in our research group - one of the most famous researchers in the country, internationally well known. So well so, I'd heard of him long before I started my PhD. Anyway, straight after my presentation he congratulated me on a very "mature" theoretical rationale and approach to my statistical analyses. From Professor Stats himself - this man is a stats genius. I nearly cried - what a relief.

I finally feel like I can pull myself together and start the final lap of my PhD. My thesis will be done within the next couple of months. I'll submit and have my viva.

Wish me luck :)

Go, the British army!

Yeah, I do still attend Quaker meetings ;)

I have heard on the grapevine that the British army hope to recruit clinical psychologists to work with soldiers who have been traumatised in conflict situations.

Whatever, we feel about the current gulf conflict, or war in general, I think we should welcome this move. I hope it goes through.

However, I heard this on the grapevine via someone who knows someone - if anyone knows where I could find out more, please let me know :)! I see a career prospect - wonder if they'll be employing at assistant level....

There's a whale in the Thames

Seriously!

There's a whale swimming in the Thames in central London, apparently it was spotted outside the Houses of Parliament.

LOL! :D

Dr Martin Luther King Day - the Northern Irish Version

We don't celebrate it in the UK but this Monday was Martin Luther King day in the States. I discovered this last year when I was working in New York and I arrived in work, dutifully at 9am in the morning, to find the doors locked and the lights off :(. I was most disappointed, but did find other ways to amuse myself for the rest of the day. Although I was somewhat peeved peeved that my coworkers hadn't told me it was a public holiday. Maybe its like showing up for work on Christmas day in the UK or something.

Anyway, Peterson's blog is well and truly on form at the moment with this little offering about an African-American lesbian mother and grandmother.

Regina D

Her father sexually abused her relentlessly.
He referred to queer people as "those goddamn faggots!"
He cursed her for being lesbian.
He died in bitterness and alcoholism.
Regina never liked him.

But Regina's mother sat her down this past November to set the story straight.

"Regina, when you told me you were a lesbian, you may have wondered how I took it all so well," her mother began then dropped the bomb.
"Your father liked men."
Seems all his homophobia was aimed right at himself as part of his own self-loathing.
He never hated Regina because she was lesbian; he hated himself.

In spite of the mess she was given, Regina speaks of hope and healing and love.

Regina: "If we are not real, it will kill us and we will take other people with us."

Regina: "I want to expand the meaning of the phrase, My People."

Regina wants to include more than just other African-American Lesbian Women in her group. She seeks to embrace among "her people" all queer folks, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, Disabled, more and more, a wider coalition of humanity that she calls kin. "Everywhere I look, I need to see my people."

I like this line "Everywhere I look, I need to see my people". Too much damage is done when we don't see people as our own. In Milgrim's infamous study, "teachers" were less likely to give a high shock to someone they identified with. If they were told the person they were shocking was from the same town as them or the same school as them, they were prepared to resist demands to inflict pain on them. In short, they identified with them.

Back home I have heard Protestants say, 'She is one of them' or 'He is not one of us' meaning that said person is Catholic. Catholics say it about Protestants too. My family are Protestant, I remember moving to a mainly Catholic area when I was 9 years old. Even so young, other kids saw me as different. Kids whispered in the street and said, 'That's her, she's the one' and then asked if it was true, 'Are you a....you know, a Protestant?' Then they'd kind of giggle and say, 'Well our mams say we have to be nice to you anyway, but is it true you don't go to mass? And there are no nuns at your school? Do you not believe in the Virgin Mary? And your church services last an hour and a half - do you not get bored?' Actually, on that latter question, maybe they had a point ;)

Of course, having never been exposed to Catholicism I was just as ignorant - I mean I didn't even realise that Catholics were Christians. 'So is it true you dress up and get loads of money for your first communion? And your priests wear big dresses? And they're not married? And you have statues in church? And nuns at your school? I wouldn't know what to say to a nun - what do you say to a nun? Do they all wear them funny outfits and are they really strict? And when you have communion, they put it right in your mouth - ewwwww. Is it true you pray to Mary - we don't, only to God. And really, you believe in Jesus do you? That's interesting, so do we...'

~Come on lads, shake hands - you're both my people even if you do, lets me frank, act the eejit...ahem.

But I wonder, how much conflict could be avoided, how many friendships formed, how much violence and injustice eliminated if we could just see more people as our people.

Contemplating Activism...advice please

Hmmmm, I am in a dilemma and as so many of my lovely blog readers are both more thoughtful and experienced in matters of activism than I am, I wondered if I might pick your brains.

I am on an emailling list for Christian psychologists. Admittedly, I'm more of the latter than the former these days, but no matter. This is a mixed group of qualified psychologists, psychology students, trainees, people who want to be psychologists and people who have some association with psychology in one way or another. Now, someone posted asking for an organisation to whom they could refer a Christian with same-sex feelings. I recommended Courage as a potential avenue to investigate, having recently met Jeremy Marks (albeit very briefly) and knowing their stance that gay relationships are not inherently sinful or dysfunctional. Perhaps I was a bit quick of the mark to make a recommendation.

Since, several other people have posted recommending True Freedom Trust and saying how they are a wonderful organisation. I have to beg to differ. It is my understanding that although TFT don't offer reparative therapy, they do see same sex relationships as inherently dysfunctional, they see homosexuality as a result of problems in early bonding and the formation of a "defensive attachment". This is not the position of any mainstream psychological or medical body - indeed, they (the BPS, the APA, the BMA and the AMA) are all clear that same sex attraction is not a psychological or biological dysfunction.

Now - my question is this. Should I say anything or invite discussion on the issue? And what should I say and how should I say it? It bothers me that people in positions of power may refer someone to an organisation that will tell them that their sexuality is pathological in some way. People are entitled to their opinions and to express them, and adults are entitled to seek help from whatever organisation they wish, but it is my opinion that people should know if the organisation they seek him from is not endorsed by mainstream bodies. It bothers me, but sometimes I am unsure what the best way to invite discussion might be.

I popped my cherry....

Ha - bet that got your attention, didn't it.

Well, it finally happened. I just could not resist any longer. It was a long, slow, dull afternoon and I couldn't help myself.

I...

...bid on ebay for the first time ever AND I WON!!! Partner dude's been going on for ages about how much he would love a super nintendo. We both used to play Mario in our early teens and we've been dying to play against each other. So I bid on one - a right bargain. It should come some time in the next week.

How am I ever going to write my thesis with a snes in the house....Doh!

Putting the T in LGB

Over Christmas, I stayed with partner dude's family for a few nights. Someway, somehow conversation turned to transgenderism. His family said they could not understand why "T" was included in LGBT because "Ts just like to dress up." Which isn't really accurate, but anyway, the conversation went along the lines of, 'That's really wierd, that's really freaky' while I squirmed in my seat wondering whether I should say anything.

So I said, 'How many transgendered people to you know?' I wasn't surprised when everyone said none. So I said, 'We have friends who are transsexuals. I think if you met them, you wouldn't think it was so wierd or freaky after all.' Which they did admit, was probably true.

Today on Peterson's blog there is a guest article by Diana who is transsexual. Diana also has her own website, which not only explores trans issues but also contains some beautiful photographs and interesting looking recipes.

One of the things she talks about is the need to put a face on the abstract. I admit that until I actually met people who were transgendered, I didn't understand and thought it was a bit wierd. But when I met people who are transsexual, it didn't seem wierd at all. They were my friends and they had hopes, plans, ambitions, relationships, feelings just like I do. To me, transgendered people were no longer some peculiar, foreign and exotic outside group, they were the people I shared my life with. When one of my friends who is a transvestite invited my help to remove hair from his legs the first time he decided to go out as she, we actually had a lot of fun. What is more, when the process was over my friend had much smoother legs than me - meh. Not fair :(.

I am thankful when people "come out" as gay or trans or something else. I am glad their journey has brought them to a point where they are proud of who they are and willing to share that with others. I am also grateful, because when people stand up and be who they are, especially when they must risk the rejection or scorn of others to do so, I think they start to liberate others also. They broaden our view of the world and of ourselves. It is in friendships with people who are gay that I have learned a lot about my own sexuality. In seeking to understand and value friends who are of a different religion to me, I have come to rethink and discover my own faith. In sharing with friends who are black and asian, I have come to understand a little more what it means to be white.

Anyway, please read Diana's piece on Peterson's blog and her website with an open mind and an open heart. When we live in a society where people are considered "wierd" or "freaky", it does us good to listen to their stories and be reminded of their humanity, and to realise a little bit more of our own.

I really enjoyed this passage from The Buddhist Blog.

I like how it explores the tensions between the need for experience, and how ideas an dphilosophies can act as a vehicle for that experience, or, act as dogmatic barriers and cause unrest between people. I hope James does not mind me borrowing this from his blog. Its definately worth a read if you have a few spare moments and are interested in Buddhist thinking. James has a real knack for putting together teachings from Buddhism and placing them in the context of his own experience which really helps to bring them to life.

The following conversation was between the ascetic Dighanaka and Gautama the Buddha from the book Old Path White Clouds by Thich Nhat Hanh:

Dighanakha asked the Buddha, "Gautama, what is your teaching? What are your doctrines? For my part, I dislike all doctrines and theories. I don't subscribe to any at all."

The Buddha smiled and asked, "Do you subscribe to your doctrine of not following and doctrines? Do you believe in your doctrine of not-believing?"

Somewhat taken aback, Dighanakha replied, "Gautama whether I believe of don't believe is no importance."

The Buddha spoke gently, "Once a person is caught by belief in a doctrine, he loses all his freedom. When on becomes dogmatic, he believes his doctrine is the only truth and that all other doctrines are heresy. Disputes and conflicts all arise from narrow views. They can extend endlessly, wasting precious time and sometimes even leading to war. Attachment to views is the greatest impediment to the spiritual path. Bound to narrow views, one becomes so entangled that it is no longer possible to let the door of truth open."

[...]

Dighanakha asked, "But what of your own teaching? If someone follows your teaching will he become caught in narrow views?"

"My teaching is not a doctrine or a philosophy. It is not the result of discursive thought or mental conjecture like various philosophies which contend that the fundamental essence of the universe is fire, water, earth, wind, or spirit, or that the universe is either finite or infinite, temporal, or eternal. Mental conjecture and discursive thought about truth are like ants crawling around the rim of the bowl -- they never get anywhere. The things I say come from my own experience. You can confirm them all by your own experience.

[...]

My goal is not to explain the universe, but to help guide others to have a direct experience of reality. Words cannot describe reality. Only direct experience enables us to see the true face of reality."

Dighanakha exclaimed, "Wonderful, wonderful Gautama! But what would happen if a person did perceive your teaching as a dogma?"

[...]

I must state clearly that my teaching is method to experience reality and not reality itself, just as a finger pointing at the moon is not the moon itself. An intelligent person makes use of the finger to see the moon."

Goodbyes

I hate goodbyes :(. Yesterday we had to say goodbye to the young Friends group we've been attending. We only meet once a month, so yesterday's meeting was the last one we were able to attend. My first foray into Quakerism (16 months ago) was with our current meeting, so leaving seems really sad.

Soon, I will have to say goodbye to my work colleagues. I am not looking forward to that. I met some of them on my first day in Southampton and we've been together through many ups and downs since then.

I can't help but bear in mind that this move is temporary. With any luck it will be until September/October. But, my work contract is only 6 months. If I get on a clinical course to start in September/October, I will stay put and work for a temping agency if they're not able to extend it an extra couple of months. If not, I'll be on the job-seeking treadmill again. Life seems so up in the air.

However, on the bright side. We found a fantastic Thai restaurant that serves papaya salad - something I attempted to make myself a while ago and which was absolutely yummy. However, it looked nothing like the picture in my Thai recipe book so I think I did something wrong. I'm curious to see what the real thing tastes like :). We also intend to attend a new Quaker meeting. The interior of whose meeting house looks like this picture.

I think I will have to try to see this as something of an adventure. I'm grateful to have partner dude moving with me. This would be a tough move to make alone as there is no obvious way to make lots of friends. We need to:

*Find an arts cinema
*Join a gym
*Find some completely random group or activity to join where we can have fun and meet some new people
*Meet an internet friend from a psychology website whose fault it is I have this job. (It was her old job and only advertised locally so she put a tip off on a psychology website - had she not, I wouldn't have seen the ad.)

Any other ideas for moving to a new place and making friends, meeting people?

We're moving....again....

We found a new flat yesterday :) Its a really nice place - an old house that's been converted into flats so the rooms are really big. The bedroom especially is so airy and sunny, which is fantastic. Our current one is pretty small and pokey which is quite annoying sometimes. We even managed to get a place with a spare room (a miracle that we could afford it so close to London) so we'll have a study/guest room for visitors. So anyone who wants to visit, let me know. We're just half an hour from Marylebone :).

One of the things that irritates me about flat living - actually, living in suburbia in general, is our uncanny ability to not speak to our neighbours. When I was growing up, I knew most of the neighbours in our street, even the one's who didn't have kids. My mum was always sending me next door with a little bowl to ask the neighbour if we could borrow some sugar as we'd run out. At Christmas my gran bakes boiled cakes for most of her neighbours. I remember there was rioting in the streets where my gran lives (I promise Northern Ireland isn't that bad a place to grow up), and my gran would be exhausted from watching it from the window. She watched in case a petrol bomb landed itself in the house of an elderly neighbour, known as wee May (because she was called May and was really tiny) so she would be able to make sure she got out. As a young adult, I see very little of that kind of community any more.

I don't even know what most of our neighbours are called. I hear the people who live in the flat above us often enough - but only because they are so fond of arguing loudly in Chinese when I am writing my thesis. Anyway, perhaps I will have to try to break this silliness and pop next door sometime and invite them in for a cup of tea. Maybe it can be our new flat resolution or something.

Now, to sort out moving...again!

Still waiting...

Let's not forget the hostages, Norman Kember, Tom Fox, James Loney and Harmeet Singh Sooden still held in Iraq.

My thoughts are with Pat Kember, whose peaceful demeanour and calm dignity in the face of what is for most of us, an unimaginable terror, are humbling.

My thoughts also turn to the people of Iraq. Since the new year began, over 240 people have been killed and 280 wounded. Violence continues to rage in Iraq, but it is much less reported on our televisions. I remember talking to a friend of mine before the Iraq war began. He is in the British navy and was worried that he may not be able to complete his MSc before getting called up. I asked if he was worried, he said, 'No, if we go to Iraq now, we'll nearly all be home in 6 months and it will all be over.' It would appear things have not gone according to plan.

Pat Kember still has hope, but for many Iraqi citizens and many American and British troops, they already know their family and friends aren't coming home again. How much we need more people like these four hostages to work for peace. Let us not let Iraq slip to the back of our minds.

(In case you're wondering, the pictures are from the American Friends Service Committee's 'Eyes Wide Open' exhibition, highlighting the human cost of the Iraq war. Each set of shoes represents a soldier or civilian killed in Iraq.)

Random music buys

I've enjoyed Rufus Wainwright's music ever since partner dude bought me a few of his CDs last year. It seems his younger sister is equally talented.

My thanks to music sales in Virgin :)

Classical sounding music, French lyrics, folksy spunk and a "caution, explicit lyrics" sticker. Amazing, I can feel intellectual, cultured, artsy and naughty all at the same time. :)

Happy new year!

Happy new year everyone :)! I have no time for much of an update today as we're having a friend round for lunch to celebrate that I got the new Jamie Oliver Italian cook book for Christmas. Woo Wooo! I've just made a giant tiramisu and it looks incredible!

Anyway, before I go off to toast the new year dieters with a generous portion of sherry and coffee laced marscapone and chocolate goodness, I thought I'd start 2006 off with a nice inspiring quotation:


I'm not trying to counsel any of you
to do anything really special
except to dare to think,
and to dare to go with the truth,
and to dare to really love completely.

R. Buckminster Fuller – 1895-­1983

Au Revoir

...for the holidays!

We're off to Dublin in the wee hours of the morning, then to Belfast in the evening :).

So, wishing everyone a happy holidays and a peaceful new year as we won't have internet access back in the sticks :).

xxx

In Belfast?!?!?!

My congratulations to Shannon Sickles and Grainne Close and to Henry Kane and Christopher Flanagan!

They became the first gay couples in the UK to have civil partnership ceremonies in Belfast of all places!!! I'm quite chuffed that my home town was the first. Its not often Northern Ireland manages to be on the forefront of implementing gay rights (or any other civil rights for that matter)! Naturally, the Free Ps couldn't let it go without a protest - but they protest events organised by other churches so where would we be without them, eh?! I'm quite impressed that the protest was so small and only Free P. As I said, they seem to enjoy protesting and will protest just about anything so I doubt very many will take much heed.

As it is, civil partnerships are "marriages in all but name". Personally, I'm hoping for the day when they're truly recognised as being emotionally and spiritually equal to marriage and they can be called marriage should the couple want that.

Still today is one step along the path and one piece of news to be happy about. So I toast to their happiness! I'm loving the big grins on Henry and Christophers' faces :)

I start my new job, first Monday in February. I could have started the first Monday in January, but I don't think its realistic for us to find a flat by then. That gives me one extra and very needed month to finish my PhD, delve into the very depths of my overdraft, find a new place to live and move there.

It all feels rather unreal at the moment. The lady on the phone said, 'Great, I'll make sure the consultant psychologist clears their schedule for that morning so they can show you around and introduce you to everyone.' Finally - clinical work! Woo woo!

Apparently they have taken on another new assistant and we'll be sharing an office. I've seen the office, its really nice and bright. Great working space, and hopefully, a new friend :)

I'm also looking forward to working with people with learning disabilities again. Having spent over 3 years working in an academic ivory tower, where everyone is judged by their intellectual weightiness, it will be nice to come back down to earth. What little experience I have had working alongside people with learning disabilities before has always reminded me of my own humanity and to value people for people's sake.

PS. For American readers - learning disabilities is called mental retardation in your land. It's considered appalling to call it that in the UK!

Remember...

Please continue to keep Tom Fox, Norman Kemble & the two Canadian hostages in your prayers/in the light/in your thoughts...

I cannot help but be humbled by the grace and peace that comes across in their messages home and in Tom Fox's blog, Waiting in the Light.

"I have been opposed to this war, Mr Blair's war, since the very beginning but I ask him now... to work for my release and the release of the Iraqi people from oppression."
Norman Kember

One thing that has made a strong impression on me is militants who have opposed Western involvement in Iraq speaking out on behalf of these men. More info here. Abu Qatada, described by a Spanish judge as al-Qaeda's ambassador in Europe made this plea from prison in the UK:

"I am your brother Abu Qatada, Omar bin Mahmud...I urge my brothers in the Brigades of Swords of Truth in Iraq to release them in line with the principle of mercy of our religion, if there was no compelling religious duty against it."

How much we need men of peace like these men. Who else could bend the ear and earn the respect of both Western governments and Al Quaeda? The way they have followed may well be the way forward for all of us.

I hope for their release and that they will be able to continue to wage peace in Iraq.

"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God." ~ Jesus

CA

I found the Queen of England lurking in my old files...

Remember this?

Well, Elton's back :)!!!

I will survive my thesis write up...

Chapter 1 done
Chapter 2 done

The worst is over - 300 references (count them) and 62 pages later...my main lit review is finished, accompanied by Elton at his most camp!

Now to write my empirical chapters...*yawn*...

CA

Peacemakers kidnapped in Iraq

This letter is doing the rounds at the moment - I thought I would put it here to raise awareness.

I hope that everyone who reads this blog, Christian, Quaker, Muslim, Atheist or something else entirely will be inspired by Tom Fox's example and consider how we can all join together not only in support of Tom Fox and those who have been kidnapped, but with the Iraqi people in their quest for peace and justice in the face of Saddaam's regime, the recent invasion by the US and the UK and terrorism.

Tom Fox was writing a blog when he was in Iraq which you can find here. He has written some very challenging and moving accounts of his experiences in Iraq which make for very uncomfortable but very necessary reading.

There are three parts to this blog post:

1. A letter from Friends (Quakers) concerning Tom Fox
2. A open letter from Lorcan Otway
3. A message from Premier Christian radio (whoever would have thought the day would come when Premier Christian radio would get a mention on my blog) concerning Norman Kember who was also taken.

Peace to all,

CA.
------
1. Quaker Letter

Dear Friend--

We are Quakers and admirers of Tom Fox, kidnapped in Iraq with three other peaceworkers on Nov. 26. Please join us in taking action aimed at helping free them, safely and soon. Joining together through the web, we can keep their plight and innocence before the world, and their captors.

To this end, we have put up a new website,: http://freethecaptivesnow.org/.

We believe that the most help those outside Iraq can be to these prisoners is to make clear to the world, and especially their captors, that they were in Iraq NOT as spies, military contractors, or even missionaries, but as unarmed advocates of peace, justice, and reconciliation.

They have done no wrong, and deserve to be free and safe. We call on their captors to let them go, now.

If you agree, here are the specific steps we advocate. Time is of the essence:

1. Visit the website: www.freethecaptivesnow.org. There you can sign a special petition page, aimed at the captors.

You can also link there to Tom Fox's Iraq blog.

2. Hold a public vigil or prayer service focused on the call, expressed in your own words, to release the captives, end the occupation and stop torture. Join with like-minded groups, and invite the media to attend and report on your action.

3. Write to newspapers, call in to radio shows, and tell them of the innocence of these peaceworkers and your support for their immediate release. Mention the website!

4. Send emails to the feedback pages of media such as Al-Jazeera, Al Arabiya and other major national and international media, especially in the Gulf region (any other links??), repeating the call to free the captives.

5. If you are part of a group or church with a peace and justice emphasis, ask them to join this effort in whatever public way is appropriate to their polity.

6. Let us know what you are doing.

7. VERY IMPORTANT - Pass this message on! Tell your friends about the www.freethecaptivesnow.org website, petition, and action suggestions..

With your email help, we can quickly reach supporters of peace and justice throughout the world. Together our voices can make a powerful chorus for freeing the captives and ending the war.

As this urgent effort continues, we'll be updating the site. They have done no wrong, and deserve to be free and safe. We call on their captors to let them go, now.

Thank you and Peace,

Chuck Fager & John Stephens

-----

2. Letter from Lorcan Otway

Please pass this along, if any can translate the following into Arabic, please do me the honor of so doing. I am placing this letter into many hands, in hope it will reach those for whom it is intended.

An Open Letter to our Brothers holding Tom Fox and other CPT members in Iraq:

Dear Brothers in the one God:

It is early morning in America. I am a Quaker and I am trying to find words to stay your hand. I can only say that hatred is blind and love is unconditional.

Many people from our nation have come to your nation in blind hatred and killed innocent people. Tom Fox is not one of these people. He came to your nation with all his human fears, because his love was unconditional. He came to ask his own people not to kill you. He came not to judge you, innocent or guilty, but to say live together in peace and find a better way. He did not come to change your government, but to change our own people's hearts towards you.

He came to your country in the same light that Rachel Corrie went to Palestine to stand in the way of Israeli tractors destroying Palestinian homes. To spare Tom Fox and his companions is to show the Israeli people that it was wrong take the young life of Rachael Corrie.

I ask you to stay your hand, because we will still love you, no less or no more, if you break our hearts by taking the life of these good people who love you.

I ask you to stay your hand because you can. When you stand before your God, next to the American who wore an army uniform, next to the one who drove the tractor that killed Rachael Corrie, and our God asks each of you, why have you taken the lives of innocents, what difference will there be in your answer? When, some day, and I pray after a long life of loving works, Tom stands before our God and is asked why he placed his life in your hands, I think you know his answer. Because hatred is blind and love is unconditional.

"Whoever has saved a life, it will be as if he has saved the life of all mankind" (Quran 5:32)

Gods love and mercy to thee

In unmovable Friendship

Lorcan Otway

A member of the committee of Ministry and Counsel for the New York Quarterly Meeting
of the Religious Society of Friends
also known as Quakers.
-----
3. Message from Premier Christian Radio, courtesy of Kate K from talkback

It is likely you have seen or read reports on the capture of the Christian aid worker Professor Norman Kember in Iraq. As a conscientious objector to war, Norman Kember was visiting the Middle East as a gesture of support for other Christian aid workers in the field.

A devout Christian, Professor Kember spoke to Premier Christian Radio weeks before his trip as part of Remembrance Sunday. He told Dr Rob Frost his visit to Iraq was 'a gesture of solidarity with the Christian peacemaker teams in Iraq.' He hoped to 'meet ordinary Iraqis of various backgrounds, Shiats, Suni, Christians and hear their stories, then come back and talk about it.'

We are all praying for the safe release of Norman Kember and his fellow hostages, for his wife Pat and the families and friends of all the hostages involved in this terrible event. I urgently request you do the same.

Church Leaders please contact everyone within your congregation and network urgently and ask them to pray for the release of Professor Norman Kember and his fellow hostages. Fellow Christians please log on to the premier website www.premier.org.uk to listen to the full interview with Professor Kember to find prayer points and an area to leave your own prayers.

Prayers for Professor Kember and his family members are needed as a matter of urgency, please persist in your prayers and in encouraging other Christians around you to pray.

Yours in Christ
Peter Kerridge
for Premier Radio

Last month as a postgrad...

Or at least, the last month I'm paid to be one.

My supervisor told me he had just written a reference for my new job and that he'd told them he was very confident I would be written up by January. I'm glad he's confident. I'm still writing chapter 1. Er....

Anyway, this cartoon made me giggle....

Oh my....

I called my grandparents this afternoon and got into a conversation with my gran about the X-factor and made a shocking discovery.

My granny, a woman in her 70s with a very dodgy hip is a serious Chico fan.

I just don't know what to say...but hee hee.

For the Americans and people from other countries on my blog (or those who consider themselves too cultured to watch the X-factor)...the X factor is the UK equivalent of American Idol. You know the set up, two judges gush and coo over the participants, Simon Cowell sneers mockingly, 'Really, it was like a very bad karaoke performance. I don't know why you are in this competition, ' and the audience boo.

Chico used to be a stripper, in the run up to the show he performed in Ozzy Osbourne's house and ran into the pool with a microphone. Even the prince of darkness himself said he was mad. He has a certain cheesey charm about him. Simon described last week's performance as, 'Horrifically brilliant.'

He is fun and I enjoy him being on the show - but my gran, a fan?!?!

Instructions for life

Instructions for Life From the Dalai Lama, on the Millenium

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs:
-Respect for self
-Respect for others and
-Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. 13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

I feel sick...

I am about to take my clinical psychology training application to the post office.

I feel sick as a parrot, want to vomit and I am shaking like a leaf.

I managed to find a glaring typo this morning after I had printed the darn thing 5 times. Amazing, having read it some thousand times myself, had my spelling & grammar guru of a dad, my partner, a professional proof reader and God knows how many 'I'll read your's if you'll read mine' deals with other applicants.

PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC.

I am told this is normal. Another applicant I know off queued at the postoffice, only to get to the desk and decide she had to proof read it just one more time. So, she grabbed it back again, apologised profusely, amidst many stares, glares and giggles from the rest of the staff and queue. She read it, joined the queue again and there was much raucous from the post office staff...I will not do this. I promise myself, I will not do this.

But I can't have it sitting on my desk for a minute longer - so I am off to the post office. Wish me luck! Now to look forward to the dread of interviews or the dreadful melancholy of rejection. As you can see, its happy happy joy joy all the way with me today.

PS. Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends for this weekend.

PPS. I have a new guestmap, please stick your pin in it :)

Do something good today...

My good mate, Paul Turner's girlfriend, a qualified teacher from England, is in Malawi, teaching and caring for orphan kids and families that are victims of aids and famine.

She's blogging about her experiences here

This is her with a very very cute kid. There are lots of very cute kids she's working with who lack even the very basics - clothes, writing materials, food, shelter, a family. Even a small gift means so much to these kids. So if you can spare a few pounds or dollars...then consider dropping a gift directly to Caroline. T-shirts, pens, pencils, little notebooks, silly toys for kids who will be going to their first ever party...Send it to her at
Caroline Tredrea
CCAP Likhubula House,
PO Box 111,
Mulanje,
MALAWI

If you want to help, send things to her directly, or contact me. Paul's going out to Milawe in January and can take stuff to her directly. Otherwise, feel free to post things to Caroline. A little gift can make such a huge difference to these kids. Caroline will personally distribute anything you send.

She writes as follows....

Well, I have received a number of lovely lovely emails from people lately in support of what I'm doing but a common thread that seems to be appearing in many of them is that people still want to help. First off, this amazes me since I am still overwhelmed by the donations and support I received when preparing to leave and now the ongoing generosity is genuinely moving.

Anyway, if you did feel that you wanted to send out anything for the children here to help with school or just generally, I thought I'd write a little list of things that I know they would all appreciate so much.

PLEASE NOTE: I AM NOT ASKING FOR ANYTHING AND DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL OBLIGED TO DO ANYTHING. THIS IS JUST IN CASE YOU WERE ASKING ABOUT WAYS TO HELP.

First off, any packages that you want to send out, can be sent directly to me at the following address and I will distribute where the need is greatest.

Caroline Tredrea
CCAP Likhubula House,
PO Box 111,
Mulanje,
MALAWI

Please note that the postage costs soar with parcels over 2kg, so if want to send out more than 2kg, it pays to sent two parcels! Also although packages have generally arrived within 2 weeks so far, the postal service (as with all the other services here!) can be hit and miss!

And so to things that would go down well here...

* Children are often without pencils or pens so any type of writing materials will be appreciated.
* There are NO reading or story books at the school. Children are taught from STD1 in English so any kids' English comics or light reading books would be greatly treasured by the recipient.
* Tiny toys such as the plastic ones you might put in children's party bags in the UK. I remember seeing bags of about 10 in ASDA for a pound or so. Oh, and playing cards or travel games that I can play on street corners with kids rather than trying to make conversation in basic English and it drying up within 30 seconds would be handy for me!
* (girls are not allowed long hair so hair accessories and the like would not really be used)
* T-shirts and things are tricky because once word gets around, 1000 children appear at the door wanting one. However, some of the children's clothes are in a terrible state - more holes than t-shirt, especially the little ones, so t-shirts for ages about 4-10 would find good and appreciative homes.
* Little non-perishable treats such as Haribo are like gold dust!

I'm organising a party for my class on 12th November, for most of them it's their first party, and although post wouldn't reach me before then, I am just appealing for any games ideas that would work during my party. I have had a good think but I get stumped by the following restrictions;

* There are 120 of them and if we wait for them to have a go each, we'd be there till November 13th.
* There is no electricity
* I am still not yet fluent in Chichewa so games should keep language to a minimum
* There are no chairs or tables so musical chairs etc are out the window.

Any ideas, please let me know!

I think that's about it. I hope you find these ideas useful. As I said before, please don't feel obliged to send anything, these are just ideas and I appreciate so much the generosity of people in the past.

Reality bites...

I'm staring blankly at my application for clinical psychology training. Thus far, the one thing that has kept me going through my PhD - the possibility of getting to work with people at the end of it and suddenly I'm shitting myself.

I mean. Firstly, I am applying to courses in places I have never been before because they look kind of interesting. I'm not even sure I could place Norwich accurately on a map. I have a vague idea of it being on the right hand side, around the middle-ish.

Not only that, but I am opening myself to the possibility of moving anywhere with about a 50 mile radius from any of these courses (with the intention of buying a house), and thinking, 'OMG, I have no idea how to buy a house.' My 'rents will be getting many many phone calls.

I keep swapping and changing my mind about which courses I want to do. I cannot get my form to look 'just so' - perfectionism is paralysing sometimes!

Then the self doubt comes in. Am I really cut out to work with people? I get pretty narked off with people sometimes. Do I have the stamina to go through another doctoral level degree? My current one regularly has me loosing sleep, crying and swearing at the computer.

Will I dig commuting long distances to placements? Will I cope with the driving? And what if I'm no good at "therapy"? I could be crap...the first time I did a research interview I was shaking. The interviewee had to make me a cup of tea! Even now, when my participants cry, I feel really awkward. Don't do tears I'm afraid. That's pretty poor show for a psychologist.

And if I don't get on a course, what do I do?!?! There's nothing else - and I can't do research! Social work - God save me!

ARGH!

O n e t h i n g a t a t i m e . . . . . .

Rock on Jamie

Jamie Oliver's 'Fifteen' program, a training scheme for disadvantaged young people to train as chefs with top restaurants and chefs in the business, is set to offer a program for young people with cannibis habits.

We need more schemes like this in our country. Lead the way Jamie!

ADHD - the big debate

I've spent the past 3 years of my life studying ADHD - more specifically, I study how family factors impact on children and parents' attitudes to medication - particularly around issues of stigma associated with taking medication. ADHD is a real hot potato at the moment. Some don't believe in it, some are adamant that it is a neurochemical disorder and therefore can only be treated by neurochemical means. Others say it is a social construction, designed to oppress masculinity.

Recently I have been feeling frustrated...Let me re-phrase, at times I have been feeling downright angry at my own situation as a psychologist in an increasingly medical-model dominated (did I say dominated, I mean monopolised) research group. My skepticism has been growing at an exponential rate. So I thought I would record my random thoughts on my blog and invite my blog readers - informed or not, to comment. I know there are some people with ADHD who read my blog, at least one other psychologist and goodness knows who else. So please...Feel free to contribute.



I will talk about genetic and neurochemical approaches to ADHD and their limitations. I will talk about the implications of research funding for the kind of research we do and how we interpret it. I will take about the critical voices and how perhaps they aren't quite so critical afterall. I will talk about a need for genuine reflection on the social and cultural aspects of ADHD and ask if there are other ways of responding outside the medical model. And as this is my blog, not an academic paper, I will intersperse it with little cartoons for amusement value...enjoy!



Ok, so. Firstly there is some evidence for a genetic basis but equal evidence that genetics are far from being the whole story. Whatever the genetic component of ADHD, it is entangled with other environmental and social factors and this should never be forgotten in genetic research.

Secondly there is evidence of neurobiological correlates to ADHD symptoms. These shouldn't be ignored, but in themselves I don't think they legitimise drug therapy.

Thirdly, medication (e.g. ritalin) does have a beneficial impact on children who have been diagnosed with ADHD. We know this both from clinical trials and from the experience of countless parents and children. HOWEVER, the is a real issue of publishing bias. Almost every researcher in this field (myself included) is funded, at least in part, by pharmaceutical companies. Basically no drug company money, no jobs.

Whether we are aware of it or not, the fact that most research and most researchers are dependent on financial contributions from the pharmaceutical industry effects what we publish, what we research, how we research it and how we interpret it. I've yet to hear a drug-company funded researcher really give an open and critical reflection on these issues. More to the point, I do not feel comfortable bringing up these ideas within my research group as I know they would not be welcome. They would be deemed wacko and far too political. I think, that says it all really. My PhD research has not encouraged me to think critically around these so vital issues.



There are people who write very critically about ADHD and drug treatment. However, most papers in this field are highly emotive and fail to seriously engage with issues of genetics, neurochemistry and research highlighting the potential benefits of medication. I suspect the motivation behind most of the opposition is a philosophical objection to psychtrophic medication rather than a pure concern for child welfare. Let me be frank, the critical psychologists aren't helping themselves be heard, and IMHO, their over-emotive and scientifically inaccurate ranting represent a serious barrier to intelligent dialogue and discussion.



Nevertheless, I think many of them have points that are worth listening to. As a disorder, ADHD is shockingly ill-defined and it is really more of an umbrella term for a set of behaviours and cognitive symptoms that are currently socially devalued. ADHD is culturally defined and constructed - lets never forget this. ADHD symptoms are problematic in a social context. The history of psychiatry should humble (or maybe even humiliate) us into a bit self-critical reflection every now and again! It wasn't that long ago we thought gayness was a psychiatric disease and transsexuality is still in the diagnositic handbook! (That's a whole other discussion - but I think it ought to be removed - sharpish!)



It is possible that the social disapproval and resulting stigma and systematic exclusion of children who have ADHD symptoms may cause more distress than the ADHD symptoms themselves per se. Therefore the social-constructionists amongst us really do have an important contribution to make, and I think we do need to think on a systemic and community level regarding ADHD. Are the demands we put on our children reasonable? Do we allow our children space to be themselves (whatever that means)?
Do we utilise our children's natural abilities and aptitudes in order to maximise their enjoyment and development? Personally, I'm very interested in interactive and kinetic teaching methods and how these might help a lot of children learn in a more dynamic way that suits their temperament and fosters their unique talents.



In discussions with psychologists, social workers and teachers, I have often encountered an incredibly negative reaction to medication for ADHD. Again, I suspect this is an emotional, philosophical reaction. Parents are often blamed and medication is seen as an easy option. However, I think parent-blaming is unacceptable and the vast majority of parents I know, think long and hard and really battle with themselves before accepting medication for themselves. Often it is used as a last resort (which may not be particularly helpful or wise.)



At the moment, there was very little evidence as to the effectiveness of psychosocial interventions for ADHD. BUT, success in psychosocial intervention trials is often measured in medical model terms, focusing on symptom reduction. Psychosocial intervention needs to be tailed to the individual, familial, social and cultural situations of each child & family (and school for that matter). Therefore, randomised controlled trials may not be the ideal methodology for research in psychosocial intervention, and measuring success in medical model terms is outright ridiculous as our aim is often to reduce the distress associated with ADHD symptoms rather than "curing" the symptoms themselves.



With regard to medication, I do think there is a need for serious reflection and discussion on the social and psychological impact of taking psychotrophic medication in childhood (and in adulthood - and for any kind of mental disorder). Personally, I am convinced that taking medication has psychological and social repercussions for the individual and for society quite separate from the pharmacological effect of the medication itself. (Is this hard to explain, because I once attempted to have this conversation with my supervisor and he acted like I was suggesting leprechauns were real?). What does taking medication for behaviour mean to a child? To a parent? To a teacher? To a peer group? How does it impact on a child's sense of self? Does is lead to stigma? These are very real issues not only for people who take medication or whose children take medication - these are issues for all of us and how we all think about our own behaviours and our own interaction within society and response to those individuals who find themselves diagnosed with a mental illness or taking psychotropic drugs.



Finally - where is the ADHD advocacy movement? In autism there is a growing movement seeking to value neurodiversity. I recently read an article written by an autistic man who insisted he wasn't a man with autism (the current language in vogue amongst the politically correct) but an autistic man. His autism was a part of his identity and he was proud of it. That's challenging to me as a psychologist about to take a job where some of my clients will have autism.



But what are the unique skills and attributes of children and adults who could be diagnosed with ADHD. How can these be valued and encouraged within our society? Many adults and older teenagers I have met with ADHD say they would never want to be "cured" - but where are their voices, and will researchers, psychiatrists, psychologists, teachers and parents be brave enough to listen?

An ode to beetroot...and Jamie Oliver

I am addicted now. Ever since the market at uni started selling bags of fresh beetroot, I've been eating tons of the stuff.

We had a couple of beets left over from my latest batch of borscht and I went off on a great web-search for interesting recipes, whereupon I discovered Jamie Oliver's website and this recipe for baked beetroot with garlic & balsamic vinegar. YUM! It was the best Sunday evening supper ever.

Mmmmmmm

I'm so disappointed that despite eating all this beetroot my wee has yet to turn pink.

We're moving....

To High Wycombe.

I got an NHS Assistant Psychologist post in a Learning Disabilities Team.

Woooo...kind off. We've got to leave our wee flat...*sniff*...and our friends *wails*.

This job...that job...the other job

I've just been offered that elusive thing I've been searching for....an Assistant Psychologist (AP) job!

Its in a charity working with people with learning disabilities. I was impressed by the set-up - its working partly in a residential facility and partly in the community. All of the staff (I've met the manager, some of the care staff and the current APs) seemed geninely nice, friendly people and the whole place does seem to be a really friendly, people-centred place to work. The psychologist was absolutely lovely and in the interview, we did actually have a long discussion about the pros and cons of working for the charity versus the NHS and the potential for getting on to a training course from the position. I am stunned that after such a frank discussion and my own admission that I might be put off the job by the fact it wasn't NHS that they offered me the job!

The job is very heavily clinical - most of the work is direct client contact with relatively little audit/administrative work. The supervisor was fantastic - I really felt I clicked with her. She likes to work systemically (which is something I'm seriously interested in) and says she will insist on a minimum of one hour formal supervision a week and to expect much more in informal supervision as there is a lot of clinical responsibility in the job. There's also lots of working within a mul-disciplinary team, training care staff etc. Its the kind of post I think I need as I have oodles of research experience and a lot of child psych experience so this would be an entirely new area for me.

My only dilemma is that it isn't an NHS post and the pay is peanuts (less than the NHS - shocking isn't it!). I've been applying for some of the senior AP positions in the NHS and I'm still waiting to hear back from several of them. Its very competitive and I don't want to shoot myself in the foot by holding out for another job offer and then not getting one! On the otherhand, if I were to be offered another post, was impressed by the psychologist in the interview, it was NHS and the pay was substantially higher...I can't say I wouldn't be sorely tempted! I don't like messing people around, so I want to give them a straight yes or no answer. I just wish I could wait to hear back from other places first.

I have one week to decide...answers on a postcard please...

But on a more positive note. Look what partner dude surprised me with this morning :D. Thank you darling!

All our senses

All our senses are given to us to enjoy,
And to praise God.
The smell of the sea,
The blossom borne on the wind,





of the soft flesh of a little baby;








the taste of a ripe plum









or bread fresh from the oven,

















the feel of a warm cat's fur,










or the body of a lover -
these are all forms of thanksgiving prayer.








-Bella Brown (in 'Plain Living - A Quaker Path to Simplicity' by Cathering Whitmire)

5 things

Courtesy of Amanda...

What I was doing 10 years ago:
I was 15, right this moment, I was probably waiting for the bus to take me home from school. I was far to studious.

5 years ago:
I was on placement in a child mental health clinic and really enjoying it. I was running a telephone helpline and raising riot in studentland. Ah, those were the days. *sigh* (and omg, was it really 5 years ago...)

1 year ago:
I was just starting the third year of my PhD. Again, being far to studious. Getting fed up with it and preparing myself to move to NYC for 4 months. Actually, maybe I was also preparing to go to Oslo. That was fun :) Actually, it wasn't that fun because it was work related and I had to be at booorrrriiiinnnggg talks from 8am til 10pm most days. But the day I had off was fun. I discovered that handles on coffee cups are not the norm in Norway. :D

Yesterday:
I worked from 9am til midnight. Yawn. But I did get to re-acquaint myself with a fantastic album from my youth, so all is not lost!

5 snacks I enjoy:
clementines (I love them!)
dairy milk (Americans, you don't know what you are missing)
maya gold (mmmmm & guilt free - organic fair trade yummyness)
blueberry muffins
green tea (not really a snack, but I like the stuff a lot)

5 songs I know all the words to:
Imagine (John Lennon)
Closest Thing to Crazy (Katie Melua)
These are the Days (Jamie Callum)
Eye to the Telescope (KT Tunstall)
Fields of Gold (Sting...was it him originally tho?!)
& far too many embarrassing happy clappy crappy Jesus songs :S

5 Things I would do with $100 million:
Pay off my student loan
Give a lot of it away to some worthy charity
Fund a few students who wouldn't otherwise be able to go to uni
Buy a house & pay off my mum's mortgage
Go on a world tour with partner dude

5 locations I would like to run away to:
Scottish Highlands
West Coast of Ireland (ok, the first two aren't very imaginative, but they're the most quiet, peaceful places on earth...well, in the UK anyway)
India (although I doubt I could cope with the heat)
New Zealand
Thailand

5 bad habits I have:
I chew my nails
I procrastinate
I stay up too late
...and get up too late as a consequence :S
I am messy sometimes

5 things I like doing:
Going to quiet, remote places where I cannot be contacted
Web geekery related activities
Volunteer work
Watching arty farty films & documentaries
Spending time with partner dude & friends

5 things I would never wear: (We need visuals!)
hot pants (it wouldn't be pretty, ok!)
a cat suit
um, um, um, um
I'm not sure if I can think of anything else!

5 TV shows I like:
ER
Jamie Oliver stuff
The Apprentice
The X-factor
How Clean is your House (I know, terrible choices...sorry!)

5 biggest joys of the moment:
The prospect of a job change!
Spending time with partner dude
Spending time with friends
Seeing my PhD looming towards an end (on occasion I get a glimpse of it - about 1 second a week, but still, that's 1 second a week when I see an ending)
Entering data...a lot of it :)

5 Favorite toys:
Partner dude's computer
I'm, um, I'm, er, out of toys...how pathetic is that?! Ok, I need new toys! :(
I want an ipod!

5 Next victims:
Well, whoever does it!

All I really want...

...is a life.

Its 8pm, I've just spent a day at work teaching...

-t-tests
-one way anova
-how to enter more complex data sets
-repeated measures anova
-mixed design anova
-main effects & interactions
-post-hoc comparisons
-controlling for multiple comparisons using simple effects analysis

...to second year students who are still struggling with very basic statistic concepts. Oh and, btw, they have a test on this next week that counts to their final grade...watch my inbox swell...

Hmmm. I taught this course last year and I'm sure we taught all that over the course of a term - not in one 2 hour tutorial?! (I don't design the course, in case you're wondering why I would do such a thing!)

Now I am entering data (I am grateful to have data, no really I am) at 8pm at night, having been at work til 7pm. Thankfully partner dude has escaped to the pub for the evening, leaving me at home to crank up good old Alanna at her angiest.

How appropriate.

Tips on stress management welcome.

I can relate...

39% evil, 61% good

I'm disappointed - I wanted to be more evil..




How does your blog fare? Find out here

Woah...

When I was in New York I volunteered at a homeless shelter for a while. Some of the young people who I met when I was there are featured here.

Seeing their photos brought back to me some of the harsh realities I discovered in New York. I've been writing another job application today, and on it I mention my experiences with these young people as giving me a greater awareness of diversity issues and the specific needs of minority communities. Is that really all it is to me? Something to add to my CV. God, I hope not.

Borscht cravings

I spent the first 3 and a half months of 2005 in New York. While I was there I spent a lot of time with Friends from Fifteeth Street Meeting.

Fifteenth street is very close to an area of New York with a lot of eastern european people and more importantly a restaurant called Little Poland, which is very popular with members and attenders of 15th St.

Anyways, to cut a long story short, I spent a lot of time in Little Poland slurping borscht and munching peroggi - and that's to say nothing of the outrageously yummy apple cake.

Ever since I have had cravings for borscht, which I put to an end to day when I went to the market and found a lot of beetroot. I stocked up and tonight I made my very own borscht.

YUM

My cravings are satisfied (I'm not pregnant, honest).

Anyway, in the style of Paul Turner, and especially for Lorcan, Ryan and Amanda (who I ate just far tooo much borscht with), I thought I'd post the photos :)

Borscht
Borscht for two

Life - a gift?

I am in the last 3 months of my PhD funding. Ideally I want to finish by Christmas, but this doesn't look all that promising right now. I'm bored and frustrated, job hunting and hoping beyond hope that somehow I'll find the energy and motivation to finish this thing.

I try to see life as a gift. It is an immense joy to experience life - to live, to breathe, to love, to simply be alive. I try to appreciate it and milk it for all its worth. But, my attitude for the last few weeks, maybe even months hasn't been to accept this stage of my PhD as a gift, but rather as a curse, to be got over as quickly as possible so that I can collapse at the end of it, have my viva, make my amendments (if they tell me to re-submit or do more studies, the answer will be no way on this sweet earth), get the binded copies into the library, give one to my dad and get on with life and put this whole damned charade behind me.

But this is not a way to live. This quotation from John Woolman spoke to me.

"Open your eyes to the flaming vision
of the wonder of such a life.
Begin where you are. Now.
If you slip and stumble
don't spend too much time in anguished regrets
and self-accustions but begin again
Don't grit your teeth and clench your fists and say,
"I will! I will!" Relax.
Take hands off. Submit yourself to God...
Let life be willed through you.'


So can these next few months be accepted as a gift to unwrap and celebrate? They will be tough, I have no doubt about it. But can I accept them with joy? I'll try, I will try to stop and remember what a wonder it is simply to be. Maybe its ironic that after reading some Woolman, by thoughts turn to a quotation I read in Dawkin's 'Unweaving the rainbow' which said, 'To live at all is miracle enough.' Indeed it is - even if it means the inevitable frustration and turmoil that come with finishing a PhD.

Although damn it, I still just want a holiday free of PhD worries...)

Truth is my authority

I stumbled across a quotation the other day that brought back memories of leaving evangelicalism behind.

"Truth is my authority, not some authority my truth.' ~Mary Dyer

I remember reading it in a book and saying to myself, 'Yes, that's how I want to live my life,' kissing away the authority of preachers, churches and ancient books and opening myself up to follow my own heart and wherever honesty and integrity would lead me.

Its been one year since partner dude and I started attending Quaker meetings. One aspect of Quakerism that I find rings consistently true and perpetually challenging is the honesty testimony. Being honest 100% of the time is tough.

To be consistently honest in my work, not taking shortcuts (hey, I'm a research student - we like shortcuts). Now, as I apply for various jobs and have to present myself honesty, not fluffing up my application forms and trying to find a way to put my true self across in interviews (not just what I think they want to hear) - that's not easy.

But also in my own personal journey of discovery and exploration. Finding a way to be true to my experience and to follow the inner voice, questionning, reflecting, being totally honest. That's tiring. Sometimes it would be nice to have a book to turn to for absolute guidance (but Quaker texts are full of soul searching questions, and even the Bible itself is more of a blinding light than a guiding one!)

But this is where honesty, integrity and truth will lead, and that's where I want to go. True to myself, true to the world and true to others.

Too English to be ex-gay?

It has been really interesting to spend time with Peterson and hear what some of we good English folk have to say about the ex-gay movement. Here's the question - is it relevant here? Ok, so we don't have our very own homonomo half-way house, we don't have an ex-gay media presence - indeed, surely we quite Brits are too busy slurping tea over cucumber sandwiches (no crusts) and munching digestive biscuits to be bothered about converting homosexuals?

Not so, I promise.

I grew up in an evangelical church and in my late teens and very early 20s I was very involved in the charismatic movement - and trust me, misguided ideas about homosexuality are as prominent here as they are on the other side of the Atlantic.

The church I went to was affiliated with Ichthus and I once went on a whole week long Ichthus camping experience (yes, it was as hellish as it sounds...don't ask me about the "prophetic music making" sessions...*shudders*). At that conference, books by people such as Leanne Payne and Mario Bergner came highly recommended at the bookstall. That's where Ichthus leaders get their information about sexuality.

People in my church gave me said Leanne Payne book early on in my psychology degree. It was disturbing - anyone with half an inkling about psychological theory would know instantly how utterly crack-potted it is. But, I fear most church leaders don't have even a basic grounding in psychology or even decent counselling theories that would enable them to critically evaluate such books in the light of what modern science and psychology can tell us about same-sex attraction.

Another recent phenonemon in the evangelical movement in this part of the world is the growth of Christian Counselling. It was once recommended to me, in one of the largest charismatic churches in the UK, certainly the largest in the city where I live, that I should go on such a course so as to ensure that I had a solid Christian grounding in my work. I declined the offer in favour of attending training accredited by mainstream counselling regulatory bodies and the British Psychological Society (our equivalent of the American Psychological Association.) Some Christian leaders weren't impressed by my choice, but even as a committed charismatic Christian, I recognised the pitfalls of a counselling service operating within local churches and overseen by people with a specific religious agenda. I so regret resisting the temptation to say, 'I hear what you're saying about having a solid Christian foundation, but I'd rather have an evidence base.' Me-ow. ;)

Out of curiosity, I searched for 'homosexuality' on the Association of Christian Counsellors and found an advertisement for an Exodus conference.

My lovely and very kind house group leaders were convinced that gay people, if offered support could be celibate and have a very special relationship with the Holy Spirit. My pastor when I attended an AOG/Ichthus affiliated church and who is one of the most personable and compassionate people, publically preached that we knew homosexuality to be unnatural because we know penises don't belong up anuses. In another Ichthus church I went to, a senior leader denounced the appointment of Jeffrey John as Bishop of Reading as a sign of the terrible unrighteousness in the church and my youth leader in a Northern Irish lifelink church used to call things 'gay' when he didn't like them. 'Oh, what a gay piece of music,' and that sort of thing.

And yes, I even know people who have attempted to cast out those evil and depraved demons of homosexuality. How nice.

Was I involved in unusual crack-pot churches? No, I was not. I was just aware of what was going on because some of my closest friends were gay Christians - some of them still are, but many have left churches and are pursing their own spirituality, some still hurt from the rejection caused by well-meaning but very very misguided Christians.

I'm telling you now - all this is going on behind the scenes in a church near you - yes, even the ones with cucumber sandwiches, and most likely in the ones with a lively and active group of young people.

I'd be really interested to know if anyone else has had similar (or different) experiences. There are, obviously, some gay affirming churches in the UK and many of the more traditional Anglican and Methodist churches are very open. Indeed, I know a URC trained lay-reacher who says she thinks its a crying shame that Rowan Williams has let himself be influenced by those terrible evangelicals. And although, I appreciate that the situation may be more complex than that - I also sympathise with the sentiment.

But hey, next time I get asked why I have an interest in the ex-gay movement and if its really only a crazy American thing...I'll just refer them to this blog post.

Lets be sexy

"There is no such creation as a "gay" or "homosexual" person." So say Love in Action, the increasingly infamous treatment program for homosexuals.

You know I almost agree with them.

I've had a social constructivist bent ever since I studied at a centre for research into intellectual disabilities and did my undergraduate project in cultural representations of childhood in the language used during Parent-Child-Interaction-Therapy. I must admit, it is probably to the chagrin of my current die-hard positivist PhD supervisors that after 3 years of squeezing myself into a rather medicalised research group, I am more convinced than ever of the need to consider the implications of social constructivist philosophy for mental health.

But I digress, and I'm sure my intellectualised rants about the philosophy of science and the manner in which the underlying beliefs behind psychological theories and priniciples may be oppressive to people with mental illness are probably not of much interest. But brushing up on social constructionism has reminded me how much our experience of the world is associated with the language we use.

Partner-dude and I have been priveleged to have Peterson staying with us this weekend - so naturally we've spent a lot of time discussing queer issues.

I wonder why do we categorise people's sexuality by the gender of who they fancy.

Am I, someone who has always been attracted to males really so simple as to be 'heterosexual'. Am I incidentally homosexual because I posed for a camera, kissing a female friend once (the joys of photo pub crawls...and the ensuing embarrassment when a photograph of said incident made it into the hands of some of my conservative Christian friends!)

I suspect that our language constrains us to think about sexuality along the dimensions of heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. And, I'm not denying that this has any relation to reality - some are attracted to people of the opposite sex, and some people are attracted to people of the same sex and some people are attracted to both.

But I don't think these dimensions really do justice to the diversity of human sexual desire and expression and our society's obsession with these dimensions may limit our discussions on issues around sexual ethics.

So is my sexuality heterosexual - yes if you want to define it as such, but that's certainly not the whole story. My sexuality is about myself as a sexual being and part of that means taking care of myself, eating well, exercising, breathing in the fresh air and escaping the office once in a while. I express it with my partner curled up under fluffy blankets watching arty films, discussing good books, shouting at political commentators on the news, ranting about the boredom of doing a PhD, sharing Haagen-Daz under the duvet and much much much shared laughter. Its everything from subtle looks, cheeky games of footsie, deep friendship, gentle kisses and passionate snogs to overwhelming urges to rip off all my partner's clothes, blindfold him and tie him to the bedposts...ok, maybe that was too much information ;)

But these things are all part of my sexuality, all things I want to share with my partner, and in so doing I find a wealth of sexual expression that is far broader, far more wonderful and far more fun that saying "I am heterosexual, I desire vaginal intercourse with men." I wonder if we could change the ways in which we think about our sexualities would it help us better engage in discussion about what our sexuality means for us and how it can be lived well. The importance of whether you do men or women seems to pale in comparison to the tremendous diversity of what turns us on and the ways in which we human beings express ourselves sexually.

In discussions of sexual ethics, particularly in religious contexts, we so desperately need to move beyond the 'gay debate' into a whole new realm of discussion as to how to live our sexualities in ways that express love for ourselves, for one another and in the spirit/light/God/Christ (whatever that means - I'm afraid I don't like to be watched, not even by Jesus).